how can i be tough if i can’t even describe what i’m feeling?

my mother always tells me
how i’m the toughest person she knows.
she can’t possibly know many people
if her first choice is me.
there are people out there
with abusive husbands
and dead-end jobs.
there are people out there
without a supportive home or
one at all
and stuck in a town they can’t take.

and then there’s me.
i have anxiety attacks for no real reason,
and i tear apart my skin
all because i can’t take it.
i’m not tough-
i don’t even know what
‘it’ is.